KATALYSTA.™

In our ordinarily extraordinary youth service, leaders announced about an upcoming campus invasion and they’ve invited those who want to come and share the gospel to just write their names in the sign-up sheet.  Personally, I don’t think I have enough passion for such kids and knowing how I was before (being a snob and all), I don’t think I’d enjoy being there since it was a public school.  Weird enough, I joined for no reason in mind.  Nobody urged me.  I wasn’t even sure my friends would come so hanging out was definitely not my motivation.  Plus, it was an early visit, definitely out of my daily routine, and on the same day as my first preboard examination in an integrated review class.  Yes, this says “God” all over.

Before the day comes, we got through a briefing on what to expect, what the plan is, and to prepare for a great battle.  Friday came.  I woke up on time, with an allowance for my quiet time with God.  To be honest, I really felt numb that day.  I don’t feel anything.  I don’t know why either.  It was like I was caught in a trance.  But I just kept on asking God to drain me fully so that I would only be filled by Him, and Him alone, and claiming the victory He prepared ahead of us.  I still feel the same but with an added heaviness in my heart.  I want to cry, to let it all out.  Yet, I don’t know what’s hindering me.  I want to cry.  Just cry.  But it’s too late.  It’s time for me to go, though I still want to talk to my King.  On my way, I was staring blankly outside, allowing God to move through me.  So we met in the church, children of God from different ministries, of different age brackets.  We were briefed and equipped then headed to the school, as I was with my brothers in our youth ministry.  As we were walking in their campus, that feeling became strong.  I realized that I was being humbled.  So we prayed before heading on to our mission.  Instead of going in pairs, there were 4 of us who shared the gospel in our first room,and we were all new to campus missions.  We didn’t know what to expect.  We didn’t plan ahead on who’s going to take this part or what.  We just went in and started.  God was so mighty that it went smoothly.  We God caught their attention, made them laugh, and listen attentively as well.  It was not so obvious that we were first-timers.  After closing in prayer in that room, we were asked to invite the students to our youth service, and we did this from one room to another.  It was fun.  It’s really different when you experience first hand that God is using you mightily for His kingdom, no matter how small of a difference you think it would bring.

Then, we rested for a little while before going to a different building.  The recent class were sophomores, and now were headed to freshmen.  Still, avoiding expectations, we went in to a class, now in pairs.  What a surprise it was for us to find out that these children were not as gentle as our previous.  We had to stop once in a while to catch their attentions.  Moreover, they speak simultaneous with us.  After praying for them, I got the chance to chat with them, only to learn that they were just hungry that’s why they were easily distracted.  (But was it really them or us?  Maybe we got comfortable because of the result in our first visit that we tended to rely on ourselves, our own knowledge, own strategy.  Because no matter what the circumstance is, God still prevails, but our availability for Him limited His movement so that He could teach us that.  Ugh, regrets.)  We wrapped up in that room still having a sense of fulfillment despite not meeting our expectations.  We believe that God moved mightily through them, as we were taught a lesson.  And as we left, it was evident that their smiles were different.  What joy! 

As we were gathered downstairs to distribute the meal we have for each student, I remained silent sitting on the staircase staring blankly.  I was planning my day ahead— not finishing this whole day activity to prepare for my examination tonight.  I checked my cellphone for messages after a couples of minutes.   I received a note from my classmate saying that our examination was postponed.  Wow!  God must have something in store for us this day that He didn’t want me to miss it.  ’Cos I haven’t really studied for that exam and my quizzes were barely passing.  I really need to catch up on this particular subject.  God made a way.  This news really blessed me and my teammates as well.  Like this day had not blessed us with the reaction of the students, He gave me this.  He’s just ever so gracious.

While we were back in church for lunch break and fellowship, I couldn’t help but tell it to someone of what was bothering me earlier that day.  I opened up about it with my heart that I cried all of a sudden.  It was the cry I wanted to let out all along.  As I was crying, God was speaking clearly to me— comforting me, reassuring me.  It was tears of joy, for my crying also signifies that I’m admitting wholeheartedly that I can do nothing without Him, my Creator and King, which made me feel renewed after, like I was ready to take on another battle.  Another part of me surrendered to Christ!

Before going back again to the school, we prayed again.  Heading back there feels so much better now, after listening and witnessing the experience of each one of us.  It blessed us greatly as it blessed them.  It inspired us all the more.  And it was evident in our final room visit.  Like one of us exclaimed, there’s joy and ease when speaking of Jesus, unlike of some other matters.

This may be my first campus invasion, but it is definitely not my last.  I’ll be more available next time God leads me to another mission.  Indeed, God’s plans for me would prosper me not to harm me, would give me hope and a future.

God is amazing!  We, Christians, may be of different mission fields, of different gifts, of different testimonies, we speak of one thing: God’s unfailing love through Jesus Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit.  

Here’s my testimony:

I grew up in a Christian family and forever thankful for it.  Our parents raised us up according to the bible, constantly reminding us of the commandments.  Yes, everything seemed perfect, moreover that I studied from Christian schools through pre-school and elementary.  But we all have “but’s” and mine is that I was passive, way too timid and could easily be influenced.  God and I were really close ever since but it’s really a struggle for me to stand up for Him and His plans for me because of my lack of courage which led to my downfall.

I had my first boyfriend at an early age of 11, had my first kiss with a different boy and I was forced (I kept my lips so closed every time he does so).  Since then, I started to like boys and had an open mind on romantic relationships, in which watching mature TV series like WWE, which I got so hooked on, and listening to secular music had major contributions.  Accordingly, my parents do not approve of this that’s why I kept it.  Though soon after, my dad and some other relatives found out because my adviser told my dad, they nobody told my mom knowing she’ll freak out.  After graduating elementary, I studied high school in an academy wherein majority of the students are from public schools, so it was a total culture shock for me.  They say bad words.  They talk openly about “green” stuffs.  They’re very much aggressive romantically.  Majority cheat.  They lie.  They bully.  They backstab.  There were homosexuals.  Weird enough, it had urged me to hold on to my principles.  To these people, I was a saint.  To God, I was one with them.  He knows I’m still hooked on Worldliness.  Lust was still in my heart.  I was still listening to Bitterness’ whispers.  Judgment and Criticism was keeping my mind occupied.

During the summer of 2007, my closest Christian friends and I attended Youth Alive Ministry.  It was the complete opposite of my first impression on high school.  It was the best place with the best people worshipping the BEST of the bests.  It’s really different when you’re in a crowd of people so hungry for God’s Word and thirsty for His Holy Presence.  The Holy Spirit was freely moving and touching each one of us.  I was instantly renewed since then!  He redeemed me from this world!  God redeemed me from this world through Jesus’ Blood with the Holy Spirit’s intervention.  All those that hindered between me and God was gone.  Senior year came and Jesus was all I was talking about.  I was growing consistently in faith.  He also blessed me with Christian classmates.  It was awesome.  You can see how God is moving in our lives.

Then we had our Nature Trail.  It was a total adventure and I was with one of my best friends that whole day, who’s a guy.  I really see him as only a friend.  But when he opened his feelings for me after that day, I got scared at first.  I don’t want to lose a friend and he’s still an unbeliever.  Then a different emotion overpowered me.  I was starting to fall for him.  After more than a week, he became my boyfriend.  This one is also beyond the knowledge of my parents.  Our relationship was initially cool–we’re still like just friends and it’s not killing my relationship with God.  Eventually, he started to show public display of affection.  It was awkward.  But I was passive so I did nothing.  Soon enough, I had developed romantic feelings for him.  But I’d be so distracted and not able to comprehend God’s words during my devotion time because he’d text and I’d worry that he might grow impatient.  The fire in my heart for God started to become weary but I was doing all that I could to keep it alive.  Some of my Christian friends did not rebuke since they were in the same situation as mine and some thought I would not listen, although it was all I was waiting for to break up with him.  I needed the courage to do so.  It was bondage.  I kept asking God to intervene and make a way for me to escape that life full of lies that’s dragging me down.  We, then, graduated from high school–with me still keeping a secret from my parents and living a life that doesn’t glorify God.  To be honest, I like the feeling when we’re together.  I felt important and loved.  However, it’s a battle at the end of the day.  My life was like a tug-of-war and the enemy was winning.  After graduation, we barely see each other.  It was very tough since we’re used to being together five times a week.  All that’s keeping us going was text messaging.  We’d always fight about nonsense and if not, we’ll talk about how we long for each other, which bore lust into our relationship.  On our class outing, I was forced to bathe with him due to peer pressure.  Just when he thought he’ll get something from me, I kept myself busy soaping my legs and arms with my clothes on.  I was barely talking.  Then, he started to kiss me against my will.  I would tilt my head away and he’ll kiss me again.  I didn’t tell him how I felt, knowing he’ll listen.  I don’t know why.  Days passed and we went out again.  When we were on our table flirting and laughing, his hand was behind me, hugging me on my hip, when all of a sudden he sneakingly touched my lower part.  What’s scary is that I didn’t fight him.  I was blinded by what this world refers to as love.  He also caressed my upper part several times.  We’d talk about it over text messaging, all flirts and lust. 

But God did not give up on me.  This time, He intervened.  I used my mom’s cellular phone to text him and did not delete the message from the sent items, which states that I love him.  My mom read it.  She was furious.  When we had an opportunity to talk alone, she asked me “Where did we go wrong?”  I responded as I was weeping that she never appreciated anything I’ve done.  She never gave me a compliment.  She treated me as if I did not do anything right.  Imagine this: your eldest and only daughter always gets something almost every Recognition Day, whether a Topnotcher’s Ribbon, and award or both, and during her high school days, she consistently is one of the Top 3 in her class.

Though at that moment, I was still bitter to her, a time came when God fully healed my heart and delivered me.  I finally ended it with the guy after my mom and I had “the talk”.  I was totally released from the chains, from the bondage.  He took out all that’s hindering our relationship.  Lust is definitely out of my life.   And God is the one and only reason I’m living my life.  He gave me a purpose for living.  You know what happened after all that drama?  God let me enjoy a better relationship with my family.  He gave me a full scholarship for college.  That’s why He’s taking extra care of my grades ever since.  Now, I’m still enjoying it and I’m on my final year!  He gave me focus on things that I should prioritize (God, His plans for me & family).  It’s definitely a new life!  He told me “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” so “Do not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up.” and “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Also, I’m no longer passive, timid and could easily be influenced.  God renewed me and gave me a new life.  He stayed true enough to His promise that “He chose the foolish to shame the wise; and chose the weak to shame the strong.”  For that reason, God has empowered me to impart the lessons I’ve learned from my past to those who are experiencing the same.  Furthermore, God’s preparing me to be a Certified Public Accountant who specializes in the company’s operational matters so that I could lead them with God’s wisdom and have the opportunity to share His words to the top management of the companies He’ll lead me to.

 To God be all the glory!

I’m currently in my junior year in college and I’m 18 (which is perfectly normal here in the Philippines).  Anyway, it’s been almost three years now that I’ve been studying Accountancy, but still don’t feel any sense of belonging in my class.

But to think of it, when I was in elementary, I had a best friend who transferred after third grade, so it was kind of tough for me after then.  I even remember telling my father what happened through my day and he responded, “You can’t settle for any friend, can you?”  because I was mentioning different people each day.  It was like that until I graduated sixth grade, that I still don’t have someone I could refer to as a true friend.  Nonetheless, on what my father just said, of course I can’t; I won’t settle for anyone.  I’ll end up hurt if I’ll get too attached, yet I’m also hurt ‘cos I find no sense of belonging.

Through high school, I find no difficulty in that particular issue.  But where are they now?  There were so many of them.  Now, only a few are keeping in touch.  I understand them though.  People change.  We’ve grown, matured.  Oh, how I miss those days!

Whoa! Wait!  Sense of belonging is not only the deal here.  It’s having true friends as well.  I actually used to have two during my sophomore (just last school year).  They were the best.  They were even my Tumblr buddies.  I’ve even shared to them almost every day and they were taking it all in.  Eventually, I noticed changes in their words and actions.  They’ve even opened up stuffs how God reaches out to them.  They were plain wonderful.  But then summer came and passed.  All of that was a thing of the past now.  A silly dream I had.  Though I know they won’t forget our friendship, they can’t also bring it back.  We barely see each other now.  Our schedules didn’t even cooperate.  I guess that chapter of my life has ended.

At the present, yes, I do have friends.  They are true to me, I can see that but there’s no sense of belonging.  There’s inconsistency, to be honest.  Also, people who are true to me does not really equate to true friends.  I don’t know.  Maybe all I’m looking for is a friend who’ll understand me (&vice versa) and shares the same love for God.

All these that I’m going through are just stones being thrown at me to put me down.  But the way I see it, these are opportunities for me to get closer to God and have a deeper relationship with Him.  Having friends come and go is the story of my life, conversely it just kept eyes fix on things not seen.  

And it’s really impossible for us to find sense of belonging in this world, unless we’re with our fellow citizens of Heaven.

“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” — Psalm 40:2

When I was little, I was passive, coward, easily discouraged, gullible, doesn’t have my own opinion and could easily be bullied (by God’s grace, only 3 kids bullied me).  But when I decided to offer everything to GOD, I gained more than I expected… and deserved.  He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place, not only to stand on, but to run on, and soon wings to fly with.  (And currently, I am none of any of those mentioned above.)

Every time I tell this to anyone, it seemed difficult for them to believe in.  Indeed, I am a new creation.